Friday, January 28, 2011

LOSS, LOVE, CELEBRATION...

I Just lost my precious 17 year old cat, Scruff, the day before yesterday and miss him terribly!

He was my beautiful and perfect son for 15 years. The pain in the ass that was my pleasure to have.
He was so smart and lately one of my
jobs as his mom was to open yet ''another'' can of food... “”'cause I don't really like this one Mom"" or ""you KNOW I don't like fish""... Those were the looks he always gave me.
He wasn't all that healthy on and off for the last two years, and I really spoiled him during that time. As of most cat
parents out there, I'd complain about his demands, and then I would do them one by one.

He passed so peacefully last Tuesday morning, in the vet's office. And I whispered hundreds of "I love yous" and "thank yous" and "no more pain" and "mommy love's you forever" and sang a silly little song I made for him years ago.

For the last 2 ou 3 years he demanded to be held. Before then, he was very independent, but lately he wanted to be held constantly. And none of this surfing-the-net-while-holding me-bullshit. If I kept clicking the mouse he would give me dirty looks, jump off my arms and then once on the floor he would look at me like he was saying: ""What the hell happened? Why am I on the floor?"" And then he would jump up again, nestle his head on my left shoulder and sleep for as long as I was able to sit still. And then he would start it all over again.

My arms miss him!

I don't feel guilty for having put him to sleep, as it was my responsibility to keep him from suffering... but I feel guilty when I see... when I remember the doctor taking him away after he passed. His eyes were open and I did stay with him for a while after he passed, but maybe not long enough... but how long is long enough? I just know it feels very weird seeing someone else taking him, even if he was dead.

It was no one's fault. It was time. He had a beautiful life. I am not blaming anyone and I don't even know if I speak from a place of gilt.

I just miss him. I am just sad for not having him anymore to kiss, to love, to spoil, to hold .

This is a celebration of him!

Thanks for reading!

SCRUFFFY SURFING THE NET

2 comments:

Lalo aka "missbliss" said...

The pictures of your little Scruff are soo cute. Sorry for your loss, it's sounds like he was a great cat and that he was loved and will be missed.
sending you smiles!!!

Camila Landi said...

Rosana,

Que relato emocionante ... eu fiquei com os olhos cheios de lágrimas, juro !!!

Força !!!

Bjos, Camila